Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
