cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
