I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Two words: blizzard sex
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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