So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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