Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
