When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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