I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
