I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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