I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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