The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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