hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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