Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
soo... how was my night?
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