Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
