How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.