Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
