remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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