do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
