is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
