Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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