I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
