You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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