im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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