well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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