We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My dick has a subreddit
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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