If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
