He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
