I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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