he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
