I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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