my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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