All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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