every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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