I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize