just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
