I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
