I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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