he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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