Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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