His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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