What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
