twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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