Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize