hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
