I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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