his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You made out with two different species that night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
