When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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