I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
