The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
