Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think i got beer on your cat.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
