Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
