Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
