Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
