Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
