I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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