So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
