Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
