Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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