You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
