My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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