i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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