The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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