Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
