I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
