Plan B is the new Plan A
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
