You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
