I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
