She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
