so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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